Things Learnt from DHHarry Potter Series
by alyssialui
Summary: As the title says, its just like my Pirates one. Suggestions welcome. No flames
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: These are a few things we all learnt from reading DH/the Harry Potter series in general. Suggestions are welcome, as well as criticism and comments, no flamers please.**

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1. All can be forgiven if you save someone from drowning.2. Give a nerd seven years and he will undoubtedly become hardcore.  
3. Mid-battle snogs are the best ones.  
4. Polyjuice Potion takes a month to brew, but it IS possible to  
5. have it handy whenever needed.  
6. Metal hands just can't be trusted  
7. Love is the best!  
8. Neville kicks ass  
9. its alright to die as long as some evil wizard just happens to have some of your blood running threw his own veins.  
10. Neville turned from a nerd to a badass  
11. camping out for a few months is a good way to clear your head and figure things out  
12. follow the silver doe, as opposed to the white rabbit  
13. sometimes people bleed memories  
14. All will work out in the end as long as you don't know all you need to know  
15. house-elves are a lot like ewocks  
16. As long as you don't plan an escape, you will do so in one piece  
17. Taking somebody's wand is like symbolically castrating them  
18. goblins are wee little bastards, it's not just a wizard prejudice  
19. voldemort is very insecure about his ultimate badass image, and must therfore kill someone at least every other day. Normal men think about women every six seconds, while voldie tries to come up with a good person to 86 every six seconds  
20. Dumbledore is not Ron from the future. 


	2. Chapter 2

21. The deluminator works very much like two dixie cups tied together with a taught string  
22. Voldemort broke into a chorus of "I will survive" and did a line dance while Harry was talking to Dumbledore during the King's Cross chapter  
23. If you don't know why you're saying something, it's probably extremely accurate and significant  
24. Dumbledore will give his usual monologue even if he's dead.  
25. Apparently Cinderella is not an illness but a kids story  
26. Don't beep with Molly Weasley's kids when shes around.  
27. Hermione really DOES know everything.  
28. Sometimes, Ron listens to her.  
29. Don't get too attached to people who look like you.  
30. Harry prefers his firecrotches as both friends and lovers  
31. Harry look like his father but has his mother's eyes...again  
32. All people who were expecting a light-saber fight in the last chapter are severely disappointed  
33. Voldemort is NOT Harry's father.  
34. Harry didn't mean to kill Voldemort. He would have, eventually, but he didn't do so on purpose. He went to disarm, but when Voldemort's AK curse backfired and he died, Harry simply shrugged and thought to himself, "Oh wow, that was conveniently unexpected"  
35. Don't make any sudden movements around Neville.  
36. Just because its in your head doesnt mean its not real - wise words from Albus Dumbledore  
37. its really hard to kill harry potter  
38. No matter how deadly a curse you have on hand, Expelliarmus will always kick its ass, for some reason.  
39. Never stop to laugh when a pissed off redheaded mom is running at you with a stick.  
40. If you ever feel the urge to abandon your friends in the middle of the woods, don't. They will never forgive you. Unless, of course, you come back and stab a locket with a sword.  



	3. Chapter 3

41. McGonagall kicks ass, even at her ripe old age.  
42. Ginny wears slutty clothing.  
43. Kreacher can clean his ear hair.  
44. Housewives rock!  
45. Chubby men can get half-veela women.  
46. Turns out the Snape is NOT an Asshat!  
47. Lily and Ginny have more than looks in common. They both have a ton of horny young men tryin to split their legs...  
48. Harry thinks of Hermione like Ron thinks of Ginny, and Harry thinks of Ginny like Ron thinks of Hermione  
49. Unfortunately, Good always conquer Evil  
50. There are such things as Nargles  
51. I want some pudding  
52. You can survive out of a little beaded bag  
53. Don't mess with Mrs. Weasley  
54. Those damned green eyes just wont stop reproducing  
55. All of Merlin's assets are baggy (meaning his pants and his buttcheek)  
56. If you break the rules you will always very conveniently turn out to be right.  
57. Magic can grow your bones back, but can't help you from wearing a pair of specs which might have been fashionable during 1940's.  
58. Only pretty boys get to become Dark Lords of the future.  
59. Phineas Nigellus is tired of contradiction.  
60. Harry Potter is full of more dumb luck than I thought humanly possible.  



	4. Chapter 4

61. Apparently the middle of a huge battle is the perfect time to throw in some unguarded wisdom to imitate Parsel- tongue, and produce the most anticipated kiss of the whole septology...I jest

62. Ron taking his shoes and socks off and giving them to a dead elf is enough to make me cry, yet one of his brothers dying only shocks me slightly  
63. Tom Riddle could successfully seduce anything, even ghosts... one cant help wonder if he had chosen a different route, say naturalist, he couldve been king of that field.  
64. Dark soul baring lockets have an almost strange like resembling to the one ring.  
65. Chapter 19 makes me feel giddy when i think of it  
66. Not everyone is what they seem to be  
67. Harry and Ron love each other very much  
68. Harry and Ginny had sex at least 3 times  
69. Ron and Hermione had sex at least twice  
70. Ron Rocks!  
71. Voldemort has self esteem issues!  
72. Digging graves is the best way to get things straight in your head  
73. Sex - Ginny Weasley's idea of the perfect Birthday gift  
74. War brings different people together  
75. Everyone thought Ron was a bit useless (as in when the leak that one of the trio would die, alot of people thought it would be Ron) until he saved Harry from certain death.  
76. When your jealous enough, you'll see your best mate and crush making out in front of you  
77. Become a potions master and make liquid luck then sell it and become rich (no one done it but they should of)  
78. DD is a bad ass even after he was killed  
79. and finaly flying cars have a life of there own so dont piss them off.  
80. Always trust a no-it-all to have your cloths in her hand bag


	5. Chapter 5

81. Goblins are selfish  
82. Despite magic wands, flying broomsticks, splitting souls, shape-shifting boggarts, dementors, it's still hard for Hermione to believe in the "Grim" or the fact that the three brothers might literally have seen death.  
83. We learned that Ron actually has feelings.  
84. Every character we've ever met in the series (almost) reappeared in DH, if only for a small part  
85. The best defenses are nothing on three 11 year olds...  
86. Harry potter has some potential pick-up lines.  
- I'd like to hide my basilisk in HER chamber of Secrets!  
-"So, a part of me was in Voldemort. You wanna know what that feels like?"  
-"If you think I'm good on a broomstick, just wait..."  
-"I've survived the Avada Kadavra twice, let's just say I like it rough and I can take it"  
-"There's a reason my hair is always messy..."  
87. The most powerfully influential character of the entire series is a) a woman, and b) pulls this off while being dead ... that would be LILY POTTER.  
She gives birth to Harry Potter, who ultimately defeats Voldypants.  
- She is the reason Harry is able to survive Voldemort's attack.  
- She is the reason Harry is linked to Voldemort, which ultimately saves him for the last battle and allows him to formulate his journey to the end.  
- She is the reason behind Snape's fealty to Dumbledore, which proves invaluable to their cause against Voldemort.  
- She is the focus of Snape's only love, which allows him to overcome Voldemort's hold on him and protect the boy he hates because of his love for her.  
88. If you can't use a crystal ball to see into the future, use it to hit people over the head with.  
89. Ron's jeans are far too tight for his wand ;)  
90. Two main characters can be killed in one sentance!  
91. The younger version of Dumbledore travelled through time 168 years into the future, assumed the alias..."Michael Gambon."  
92. Owls are always the first to go.  
93. Harry only has eyes for Ginny...and Snape!  
94. ALL WAS WELL...(EXCEPT THOSE WHO READ THE EPILOGUE!)  
95. NEVER name Harry Potter your child's Godfather if you value your and your wife's life  
96. Crystal balls are usefull after all.  
97. Treat your mindless goons with respect, otherwise they'll turn against you and set themselves on fire.  
98. - It doesn't matter if you used to be a nazi when you were young. It also doesn't matter if you are manipulative and exploitive towards the people who trust you most and are loyal to you. Just make a stupid plan that involves luck more than anything else and tell everyone that you have changed. You'll see, everyone will forgive you  
99. You will meet your true love in high school.  
100. Just because something's in your head, doesn't mean it's not real. Unless it's your godfather getting tortured. Then it's fake.  



	6. Chapter 6

**Submitted by _Bee's Girl:_**

Do not have kids in the mimddle of a war! YOU WILL DIE!

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**Submitted by _Moony's Shady Lady:_**

Harry Potter like a cat has nine lives.

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101. Nothing will stop Dumbledore from having his end-of-book-chat with Harry. Not even his own death.

102. Harry is no longer known as the Boy Who Lived. He now goes by the alias of the Boy Who JUST WON'T DIE!  
103. Always follow complete strange old ladies into their smelly homes because they are always hiding something.  
104. Family always comes first even for the Malfoy's  
105. Crabbe was the evil one!  
106. Naming your child Albus Severus can result in bullying.  
107. All boys named James are little gits!  
108. Ginger hair doesn't seem to be a recessive gene  
109. You can trust Hermione to bring every thing needed for a picnic in the woods in that bottomless pit of a bag of hers. Just don't expect here to bring FOOD.  
110. Don't get horny at the Lovegood's house. It could lead to an explosive situation.  
111. You can trust the nerdiest friend you have to kill a giant, mankiller of a snake.  
112. 'Tis better to lose an ear than die laughing.  
113. J.K. Rowling can't write romance worth a flip.  
114. No matter how good your plan is, no matter how skilled your fighters are, scrawny, speckly teenagers will always feck it up!!  
115. I can't believe Voldemort tried to AK Harry 3 times, did he really believe in 3rd time lucky!!!  
116. If a boy's chest gets cut open, it can be fixed with a simple spell... if a house-elf who just risked his life for you has his chest cut open (or stabbed..) there is no hope...Poor Dobby.  
117. Giving a house-elf a locket will turn a health risk house into a 5 star hotel.  
118. Force of habit can get you captured and locked in a dungeon.  
119. the one time in the history of the series where the fear of the name is justified!  
120. Evil people never learn anything


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is the end. Special thanks to:**

**_littlemissraindrop, Jeesiquie, Brandance, ladyfallsalot, QueenofSparrabeth, Bee's Girl, fanficfan1037, noname, WWMTgirl, Moony's Shady Lady, Jinxeh, _**and**_ Jolie71_  
**

**Thanks to all those who read and reviewed, and read but didnt review. Check out my other stories. Bye**

**Also, Some FUCKTARD reported me so I was zonked out for the weekend. Thanks a lot jerk!!  
**

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121. Evil, insecure, fascist, bullies only hear what they want. (Voldy's half-blood status  
122. JKRowling has silently plucked off every favourite character off the face of the HP Earth. (like Lupin, Tonks, Umbridge - you cant tell me you didn't find her funny at some point, etc.)  
123. We learned that Dumbledore isn't a woman  
124. - Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it... except Snape.  
125. Voldemort doesn't always kill with AK (poor Snape).  
126. Ginny was definitely going to beep Harry for his birthday.  
127. Neville talking about how he's made Amycus and Alecto go through hell makes you think he's the most badass character ever and reminded you of Revenge of the Nerds.  
128. If Harry hadn't been there, Hermione would have so fucked Ron when they kissed.  
129. Any girl that saw Neville in action against Amycus and Alecto wanted to beep him.  
130. Bellatrix's laugh finally came back to bite her in the ass.  
131. It's okay to make a kid's life hell, as long as you tell him you loved his mother as you're dying. Right Snivellus?  
132. No matter what you say, Lily, James, Lupin, and Sirius definitely came back from the dead for a second in the forest.  
133. Besides Fred's death, the most emotional was Hedwig's. Nice, JKR. You can make sure the fricking owl gets an emotional death scene but Lupin and Tonks die offscreen. Nice.  
134. Anything that Happens in Britain, is linked to Harry and his past  
135. He Who Must Not Be Named, needs 20+ years to justify his title  
136. No one really dies. Except Snape  
137. Pickup line #6: 'Hey baby, I'm hunting Whorecruxes, and you fit the bill'  
138. If one of your friends turns into a rat, consider it a character assessment!  
139. Although the potion in the cave might have looked like Gatorade, it actually has the opposite affect.  
140. Beware the curtain.  
141. When in doubt Expelliarmus  
142. Curtains can kill your godfather.  
143. Dark Lords are always pretty boys in their youth  
144. Not even death can stop Dumbledore from giving his end of book exposition.  
145. We will never know what Aberforth was doing with those goats.


End file.
